3 Levels of Listening
When to think, when to focus, when to step back
It’s been 8 months since our routines changed dramatically. Almost overnight, we lost the ability to spend time together in person, and communication became more difficult. Zoom has become ubiquitous, along with wifi interruptions, background noise, and screen fatigue.
Aside from the tactical limitations, we’ve also lost out on some of the communication cues we typically perceive through body language and other in-person signals. Humans are highly social beings, and we are missing out on the connection that can only form when we are in person.
Yet now more than ever, communication is critical. We crave connection with family members we may not be able to see in person, and need to operate as highly effective remote teams at work. Stress is also amplified and conflict more pervasive.
What can we do to make sure we are maintaining effective communication - and the connection, collaboration, and care that come with it - during these times? Thankfully, humans have a communication superpower. And it doesn’t have anything to do with speaking.
THE POWER OF LISTENING
Good communicators know that listening is just as important as speaking in any conversation. Often, it is more important.
Yet listening is more complex than we may think. It can be far more than a passive act we engage in while we wait for our turn to speak. It can be an activity that harnesses our attention to learn, empathize, problem solve, and connect.
Most of us are familiar with active listening. Yet there is more nuance to listening than that, and hidden gems in understanding and leveraging listening in its many forms.
3 LEVELS OF LISTENING
Our friends at the Co-Active Training Institute (CTI) have identified three levels of listening. Each level, when used at the correct time and in the right way, allows us to get the most out of our conversations:
Level 1: Internal Listening (Focused on Self)
In this level, the listener is focused on themselves and their reactions to what the speaker is saying. They may be thinking, “I’ve had the same experience,” “I don’t agree with that,” or, “I wonder if I’m asking the right questions right now....” In this level, the listener is considering their agenda, and is often only half-hearing what the other person is saying. Yet this can also be a useful level: we make value judgments, generate new ideas, and often, find inspiration.
We’ve all experienced this kind of “half-listening” as our mind wanders to dinner during a meeting at the end of the day. So, the practice for level 1 isn’t about how to do it, but about when to use it. See if you can catch yourself - is your mind wandering when you should be paying attention (level 2), or, are you focusing your internal dialogue on yourself because the situation calls for it?
Level 2: Focused Listening (Focused on Other)
In this level, the listener is focused entirely on the other person(s) and their ideas, thoughts, and feelings. This is deep, active listening. Someone listening at level 2 might be thinking, “This seems to be a deep and important issue to them.” Listening at level 2 allows us to better understand someone else’s motivations, reality, and perspectives, and helps build empathy.
We naturally practice level 2 listening when we’re communicating with someone important to us, but in other scenarios, it may be something we need to make a conscious effort to do. To practice level 2 listening, take a few deep breaths before going into a conversation. Let go of anything that happened prior or that will happen after. Let yourself settle fully into the moment and give the other person your full attention. When you notice your mind wandering to level 1 listening (it often will!), simply let those thoughts or judgments go and return to level 2.
Level 3: Global Listening (Focused on context, and what isn’t being said)
A level 3 listener not only hears what is said, but is attuned to what is not said. Have you ever walked into a room and felt that the energy was “off” even though nothing was said explicitly? These energetic shifts or subtle cues aren’t always obvious, and it requires a listener to be fully present to be able to pick up on them. If level 2 is a laser focus on what is being said, level 3 is a soft, all-encompassing glow touching every component of the conversation.
To practice level 3, switch to gallery view in Zoom. As folks are speaking, notice not only their tone, but their body language and that of everyone else in the meeting. In groups where you feel comfortable, practice asking questions like, “I noticed you paused before saying that, is there anything about this decision that you’re still unsure about?”
A CASE STUDY
We’re constantly flexing between each level of listening, and that’s normal and necessary. No level is better or worse: the practice is learning when, and how, to use each level, and using each level to your advantage and to the advantage of those around you.
Take this example: You join a Zoom on budget priorities for your team. You can flex between all 3 levels to get the most out of the conversation, secure the budget you need, and support your team in reaching a better decision. Level 1 will allow you to ask the right questions based on your needs - you know how much money you need and you’ll need to hold that context while you listen to the other folks presenting to know what to ask or share. Level 2 will allow you to fully understand the root cause of a decision to put money in one place versus another. It also allows you to empathize with another team member’s needs, thereby building trust and fostering better negotiation if conflicting priorities emerge. Level 3 gives you the chance to zoom out and read between the lines. Does everybody really agree with the final decision? Or did you notice some people pause before saying yes? Do people seem genuinely bought in? Or doubtful? You can use these contextual cues to share a perspective or ask a question that gets the team to a deeper level of conversation: possibly, to a breakthrough moment or game-changing decision.
PRACTICE
We recognize it’s difficult to commit this level of attention when so many of us experience Zoom fatigue. But even beginning to pay attention to the level and depth of our listening allows us to hone this valuable skill.
We aren’t aiming for perfection; even a slight increase in our ability to communicate and connect will enrich our personal and professional relationships.
Which level of listening are you most motivated to practice?
What difference could that make for you work and your relationships?
SOLUTION
Connect with us to learn more.
In 2020, the transition to working from home was not a choice; it was a necessity, and a change that occurred nearly overnight, without warning, and that many experienced as significantly disruptive. The transition back to the office could also feel this way but does not have to. In fact, it can happen strategically and mindfully, setting leaders and teams up for success.